It’s harder to cook for three now than four since my son went of to college. Leftovers are not a big hit so I try to make sure I prepare only what will be eaten, however that changes daily…

I defrosted five chicken breasts last night so today I made chicken soup with two of them and baked the other three. Soup for tonight and the other three in the freezer for sometime next week.

Sometimes I’ll spend a weekend cooking and freeze it all. Chicken soup, meatballs and sauce with sausage, beef stew, lasagna, etc. Just need the energy to shop and then to cook it all. I have to work myself up into it.

Freelancing from home has been a help with cooking. Even though I still have to pick up my son I have all day to start meals if I feel like it. It’s cheaper than prepared food and better for all of us. Gives me more of a parental feeling too.

Oh well, time to take the soup off the stove.

So many details that I won’t bother with but let’s just say for now you can be in love and still feel sooooooooooooooooo lonely that it physically hurts all the time.

When I was little people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up and my standard answer was always, “happy.” I seemed to have missed that mark by light years.

Right now all I seem to do is try to figure out how to hurt less…

It’s exhausting all the time and then to compound it I then feel guilty when I think how many people are so worse off than me.

Somedays it’s beyond unbearable but you do what you need to and hope the next day might be better and sometimes it is.

Choices get made and the rest is up to the universe.

Work done for the day. Sitting back and reflecting on life. Work is slow, kids are well, weather is changing and perhaps I should as well…

Guess we’ll see what happens but for now it’s good to write again.

Overcast skies oppose my mood. Although tired, I feel light, alive, satisfied. The children are playing peacefully, together, on the floor. They require no gadgets; they are merely satisfied with toy cars, board games and their imaginations.

Stress level is low and Jeopardy! will be on soon. If I could bite into a bit of chocolate, perhaps accompanied by a sip of a good Argentine Malbec, the day would be close to perfect.

Maybe next week.

Spring planting is about half done, which gives me great hope that winter will, once again, pass and the flowers will return. Imagine, I am thinking this only on the very first day of Autumn! Such is the downward pull I tend to feel at this time of the year, with the change of the light.

Now to feed the furriest four-pawed child and prepare for another early night.

We all need a place - a space to write, to share, to laugh, to toot
our own horns, to weap, and just to... be.

This is that place!